What to Do When You Can’t Do Much
Right now, there is absolutely no good way for me to volunteer on the front lines of the Corona virus outbreak. And it is killing me. There is real need out there, and even more real terror, and I am not doing much to mitigate or help.
I’m not a trained medical person or a first-responder, so scratch that idea of helping out at hospitals or nursing homes. I can’t go to the Food Bank and help bag up and deliver groceries. I can’t even cook for the multitudes because I can’t certify that every single thing I would make and deliver would meet the smart and stringent standards of our time. (Though I do keep my kitchen very clean.) And while I am donating to organizations that are on the first line of pain, I don’t have the money to send a jet to Timbuktu to gather much needed PPE. I don’t even have a sewing machine to churn out masks for my family. To make matters worse, I have an immune vulnerable spouse, we are both over 65, and my daughter is having another baby in the next 10 days and she is rightfully wary about my coming into contact with anyone before she delivers.
So, I sit. From earliest school days, I have been a hand raiser. Oooh, call on me, I know the answer! This morphed into being the person in college who always had a first question at the ready so the professor or the speaker wouldn’t be faced with the embarrassment of a mute audience. That and a lifetime of volunteering, of being the first one to say yes. Several friends have gifted me with mugs that say, “Remember, No is a Complete Sentence.”
It’s an awkward feeling when knowing the best thing you can do is keep yourself and your loved ones indoors when all your instincts are to rush into the fray. I find that I am more contemplative that normal. More willing to reach out and connect via phone, zoom, text, facebook, email, carrier pigeon with people I care about but may have neglected recently. I just heard back from a friend who is in Malaysia. She is okay but would rather be stateside just now. So would my cousin in Budapest who debated too long before catching a flight out.
I’ve read lots or new recipes and made really good candlelight dinners for my husband and myself. He is quite appreciative, and I live for time-consuming kitchen projects. I’m watching too much TV and am trying to ration myself to two hours of talking heads per day. (Plus, Rachel Maddow.) Our laundry is done, and our bird feeder is full. Last night I learned to make socca — a chickpea flour bread that is gluten-free, Vegan and a fun fast new skill.
But other than keeping my home spotless and over-feeding the two of us, what to do with my own pallid Coronavirus version of Survivor’s Guilt? I’ve come up with a few mantras to help me cope.
1) Wait. It’s a time limited episode. It will subside. Whenever it does the huge need for social and economic repair will gladly swallow my pent-up Volunteerism.
2) Do. Do what I can. Send money where it is needed. Support local restaurants and others.
3) Listen. To my friends and family. Buck up those who are struggling with loneliness and worry. Be there. On the phone. At the receiving end of a candid email. Don’t advise. Just listen and let listening be a comfort.
4) Plan. Write a bucket list. Create a watching list, or a listening list. Or a learning list. Learn Italian, Spanish or Classical Greek. Or statistics.
5) Breathe. If life is a river, we are all stuck on a bend in that river right now. But there is a current that will carry us again. Decide on direction for when we can start to move again.
6) Decide. Where and how to volunteer when the crisis passes. Damage has been done.
· Write an IOU to organizations that are stretched thin. They will need me in the long term.
7) Manage. My mood. Don’t give in to the bleak. If you are reading this, you like me, are one of the lucky ones. You are likely to weather this storm. All that “practicing gratefulness” stuff? Do it.
8) Get up. Every day. Make your bed. Brush your teeth. Shower. And yes, wear real pants. Even when you are on ZOOM call.
And just in case you want to make socca, here’s Mark Bittman’s recipe.
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1014757-socca-farinata
(PS: I also used cumin and za-atar.)